Hide the gun, put away the knives. 
I’m not okay, I’m not alright. 
No one listens, no one cares.  
Except a half pint pup with chocolate brown hair. 

The little girl inside me screams in pain. 
No more beatings, no more fondling, no more emotional torture!
I’m going to go quite insane.

I scream out in my dreams,
dreaming memories I don’t want to keep.  
And wake up to my half-pint pup
kissing me out of this dreadful sleep.  

The little girl is grown up
so no one notices how she withers and shrinks.  
Except a half sized pup
…that sometimes stinks.  

With a heart of a lion you’ll hear him roar.
As others frolic and play, he stays with me,
saying “No more!”

He forgave my blunders and transgressions in stride.  
And when he looked at me he’d think
“That’s my mom” with pride.

We came out of the darkness together with much trepidation.  
But with him, I only felt slight hesitation.  

He didn’t care when I failed, when I screamed and I cried.
He looked at me with happiness and said, “Look! You really tried!

We were both broken with our inner demons, darkness and pain.
Without him, I was rather mad and sometimes quite insane. 

We figured out his little brain would sometimes switch into survival
and the same demons that haunted me came with him on arrival. 

He came to me with a bit of fury
And that’s okay, we weren’t in a hurry.  

We once almost gave in and threw in the towel.  
But my husband said no,
not yet,
he needed us now.  

Instead of continuing the dark path of childhood trauma.  
Jackson, Earl and I decided we’d once and for all
stop the constant drama. 

Adjustments and changes were made to accommodate him.  
And we’d give anything to do it all over again. 

Alongside my little half-pint pup, 
We began to heal and grow up.  
We got help and admitted we were wrong
Not that we failed all along.  

There were hard times and bad. 
But it was mostly because the child inside was still so mad. 

Surviving abuse can take time, even many years. 
And you have to be ready to process those tears, those fears.

You will be carrying darkness inside you for the rest of your life.  
But you decided to put down all that anguish and strife. 
You have to be ready to leave the abuse.
And promise no longer to make an excuse.  

With a little half-pint pup we gave it our best.  
And every relationship was put to the test.  

Some continued to wither and wilt. 
And others were pressed all the way to the hilt. 

But one day we spoke up and shouted out our pain.  
And all of a sudden, joy we began to gain. 

My half-pint pup made friends,
you see.  
Ones that not only adored him,
but also…liked me!

He would walk so dainty and pranced and wiggled.  
And barked non-stop, giving it his all until you grumbled or giggled. 

This little half pint pup helped heal many broken hearts and souls. 
At the same time we helped battled his own dark holes. 
My sweet little man’s heart grew so big and his fury so small. 
He wasn’t that bad in the end, not at all.  

I hope the love he gave to those in need gets spread and he goes viral.
As I begin to understand what happened and try not to lose faith and spiral.

In a blink of an eye you became suddenly unwell.  
And now it was our turn to help you out your own little hell. 

My little man became frightened all the sudden and couldn’t seem to see. 
He cried where is my mom and raged, he didn’t recognize me.  

I want to fall to the ground,
in the place our lives first went upside down.
I wanna scream and cry and shout 
I’m so sorry, come back to me, I love you, Jackson Brown!

No Time to sleep
All I want to do is weep. 
While that sweet bundle of rage
Wants to burst out of that cage.  
Little man, please help me get you back on the same page!

I am so sorry Jackson I cried, I’m so sorry!  Don’t worry.  You will to come back to me!”
I called his buddies, his friends, his pals.  
Come help me help Jackson.
He needs our help now! 

In the wee of the night, from across the world, they prayed and pleaded. 
Jackson, dear Jackson.  Come back to me!
You’re still needed.

In the darkness before dawn,
he slowly came back and realized he could see all along,
I was always there.  It was always me. 
And he climbed in my lap and softly said
“Mom. I thought you had forgotten me.”

Never little man, never will that happen. 
You aren’t some silly trinket that goes out of fashion. 

He continued to thrive throughout the day and in my arms or bead,
he slept contently. 
Don’t worry little man,
we’ll find out what made you so scared, so unfriendly.  

Things were looking up as we walked you to see your friend.  
You pranced and danced all the way to the bend. 

Your friend came out and you looked up at me. 
Yes, sweet Jackson, don’t worry little guy!  
She loves you, too. I’ll be right here as you go say hi!

His favorite neighbor friend he greeted with barks and a grin. 
Give me all your love he said, how have you been?

Momma look at me!  I am loved!
Mom? Who are you? Go away he said with a little man shrug. 

My friend, who is this person, stay with me, help me find my mom.  
He said to his friend with a qualm.  
I’ve lost my way I need my mom!

I was there little man and never left. 
It was a disease that caused the theft. 

In that dreadful split second we knew his fate. 
And it came thundering down
crushing our hearts with a dreaded weight.  
My little friend, don’t worry.  I’ve got you, mate. 

Come back to me my little man.  
The long walk home I pleaded.
Your presence is missed. It’s very much needed.
Come back to me I know you can. 
We will make this right, we will come up with a plan. 

We realized days were bright and and the nights were dark.
So we planned real quick and had a lovely morning at the pet store and a trip to the park. 
It ended with your favorite neighbor on your last walk. 
“Mom, I’m tired.” 
Don’t worry little man,
I’ve got you,
let me carry you in my arms as it grew so close to dark.  

We came home with one happy tired pup and watched the sunset. 
Knowing fully well we were losing more than a friendship, more than a pet.  

This time with the help of your dear friends, we were ready.
Don’t worry little man, we will fight this together. 
We will help you steady.  

The spell was broken in less time you see? 
We had your best friend Martha comforting you
and helping me.  

All of a sudden, out of the darkness was my half-pint pup. 
“Hey, Mom, hey Dad!  Hey Maggie, Raymond, Luke, Scout and Roxanne! 
When’s dinner  What’s up?”

We gave you your supper and held you tight.
And you ran liked always when I asked did you want to go night nights?
Your daddy tucked you in extra tight.  
Don’t worry little man, we’ll be alright.

The next morning we awoke and the meds were wearing off.
My sweet little man said who are you, get off!
This time we were prepared and comforted you.
Tucked you back into bed, knowing that you’d be back soon.
Don’t worry my little guy, if you like,
we’ll sleep well past noon!

Oh what a wonderful morning it was! 
I thought as I took a moment to admire your paws. 
I awoke to the familiar warmth right next to my face.  
There you were,
in the most perfect place. 

With happiness, he let me put on his favorite sweater.  
Let’s turn up the heat. 
There.
Don’t you feel better?

The day was a perfect day. 
I sat while you slept by my side and sometimes on my lap. 
For hours, I watched you as you peacefully napped.  

After lunch, you rested with your Dad.
And I came up with a spontaneous plan. 
It would either be epic
or terribly bad. 
One last video to honor your life and legacy. 
Time was fast becoming our enemy.  

My pint-sized pup you did not look fragile and small. 
You were so smart, handsome, brave and looked 10 feet tall!

After you munched on your granola with style, 
your eyes soon asked “Mom can we rest a while?”

Of course little man.  
Of course we can. 

It was a perfect restful afternoon. 
And dreaded no more the approaching moon.
I prayed for time to STOP! 
it was passing way too soon.  

Your best friends arrived,
one by one. 
And as they gathered around.  
I knew, you were truly loved,
Jackson Brown. 

Time to rest my little man.  Time to sleep. 
I’ll be okay I whimpered as I began to weep.  

As the reality sank in,
I rather lost my mind. 
And what did you do? 
It was so kind.  

One last time you did your job. 
You gave it your all. 
And I felt like you were 10, no 100 feet tall.  

I’m ready now,
I told my sweet little man. 
Job well done, I promise
this won’t be the end.